Don't Let Anyone Get In Your Head!

This has been a very stressful and trying week with many ups and downs, and a dream that I had last night sums up what I have been feeling lately. I had a dream that I was in an understudy rehearsal for a professional theater company that was doing “Singin’ In The Rain”, “Dreamgirls”, and “Once On This Island”. My sheet said that I was understudying Cosmo Brown from “Singin’ In The Rain”, Jimmy Early and Cece White from “Dreamgirls”, and Asaka from “Once On This Island”. I was clearly new to this theater. I had my scripts spread out in front of me, makes up and thoroughly beated. I had marks in the songs for movement and choreography. A large container of water, tap shoes, a towel, and a rainbow duffel bag completed my little corner. I was right next to a door. On stage a plus sized African American Male was going over his routine for the title song “Signin’ In The Rain”. He was amazing. He moved to effortlessly for a guy his size. I heard a small group of performers behind me snickering and laughing, saying I don’t belong there, that I was too old, that I wasn’t qualified. It was getting to me. I started to think they were right. I didn’t belong there. I don’t even know how I got there. I got up and went out the door. The hallway lead to stairs that lead to a door that lead outside. I could just walk out and say “Screw it! I’m done!”. I stood there and thought about it. The stage manager came to the door, opened it, looked at me, locked it, and started to close it on me. I ran to the door, and opened it before it shut. I walked it and the door closed behind me with a loud CLUNK! I stood in front of the door realizing that I can never go back out of it or I will be locked out. The producer called my name to rehearse for as Cosmo Brown. I walked on stage, stood on one side of the desk, getting ready to perform “Moses”. The choreographer counted us off, 5,6,7,8. The music started. And I woke up.

This mirrored my week. This week my class had their first Mock Audition. I wanted it to be ran so efficiently and professionally. I put up signs everywhere, had two waiting room, had a staging area, and three amazing people volunteer to be their “directors”, and had an amazing spread of light snacks for them. So thank you Kaitelyn Bauer Dieguez, Amy Wathen Cooksey, and Keith Linville for your time and words. I started by giving my class a crash course on Audition Etiquette and Techniques. The beginning of the course, I assigned them all monologues based on personalities and how far I could stretch them on the first go round. We worked on those for the first three weeks of class, they performed them, got critiques, and moved on to scenes. They had the entire month of March to work on the monologues themselves as they learned new ways of approach. On the day of the Mock Audition, they shined. Through their nerves and 90 second timeframe, they gave it their all.

I was freaking out the entire time! I was second guessing my teachings. I was second guessing my approach. I know I only have a Bachelors and here I am teaching a COLLEGE course on Acting like I’ve been doing it all my life....
Even though only two years ago I graduated college, I’ve been acting for 19 years.... more than half my life. I should know what I’m talking about. I’ve had amazing teachers along the way, and the knowledge I’ve learned from them, I’m bestowing on to my students. They smile, they laugh, and they cry. I’m so proud of them it’s sickening.
I’ve heard people have been saying that I shouldn’t be teaching, I shouldn’t be acting, I’ll never move past the community level, or my favorite, I’ll never be like him (“him” being a friend of my that I constantly seem to be getting compared to, even though we both went our own path and we are both extremely proud of each other). That negative energy started to weigh on me. My life is theater. Hell, my full time job is looking at me like, when you going to have a decent schedule again! Thank you Full-Time Job for being flexible while I navigate through this field of dreams! My week consists of, Work, Teach, Rehearsal, Perform, repeat. When I’m not working, I’m preparing to either perform or rehearse. When I’m not doing either of those, I’m Sound Designing. I have five shows I’m Sound Designing and one of them is paying me. I’m in the paying my dues section of my life.

Yes I’m not like others in my age range that have families, jobs, cars, a mortgage, and whatever else people use to signify that they are adults and they are “adulting”, but that’s not where I am. Well, I am, just in my own way. Life isn’t about being on the same level as Tom, Dick, and John, it’s about living to the fullest of your abilities.

So I say this to my naysayers. Because of you, I have a fire that has reignited. This is only the beginning. Just you wait! Everyone achieves greatness in their own time, I’m on my path to receive mine. I will walk with my head up high, because I know I’m doing what I’m suppose to be doing.

#blackboymagic

The College of Southern Maryland Theater Entrance, with signs for our Mock Auditions. Teaching the Students proper Auditioning Techniques was one of the things I truly wanted to work on with them.